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Post by Christian Tait on May 19, 2008 22:45:39 GMT 1
Christian didn't see what was so great about it, they were just sitting there and he was far too tense being this close to relax. But he decided to go along with the act, nodding his head a little too enthusiastically. "Yeah it's great..the only thing to make it better is if she was here with us..she'd have fun playing in the sand" Speaking of Brooklyn of course.
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Post by Aidan Kinney on May 20, 2008 9:04:46 GMT 1
"Yeah" Aidan nodded and smiled although to be honest he was glad Brooke wasn't here with them. They needed some time together. Just the two of them. To heal their relationship. Though sometimes Aidan would wonder if it was even possible. he felt like crying, his heart squeezing in his chest, but he just pressed a kiss to Christian's shoulder. If only he hadn't been so demanding back then. He ruined everything between them. "she would" He could see how Chris was trying to act normal. As if he was really enjoying it, while Aidan could see more than Chris was trying to show him
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Post by Christian Tait on May 20, 2008 10:02:51 GMT 1
Christian tilted his head back to look up at him, knowing without having to ask what was wrong with him. He was a mind reader when it came to Aidan Kinney. He was thinking the same thing that he was, if they could ever truly go back to normal. They needed to talk about this, not just Aidan insisting that he wasn't mad, but truly talk about it. If only he could find a way to get the words past the large lump in his throat. They couldn't give up now, not yet.
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Post by Aidan Kinney on May 20, 2008 10:46:58 GMT 1
Aidan sighed. If only he could find a way to stop that pain in his chest. "I love you" He whispered barely audibly kissing Christian's shoulder again, unaware that the other was looking at him now. A tiny single tear slipped down his cheek falling on Christian's shoulder. He kissed the place then propped his chin back on his boyfriend's shoulder staring at the sea with a small forced smile
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Post by Christian Tait on May 20, 2008 10:56:21 GMT 1
Christian shook his head no. If he loved him then he wouldn't be crying right now. Or was that what love was, suffering through the pain so that you could be together? He didn't like that, they shouldn't be suffering. He turned his body all the way around in his arms to face him, bringing a cautious hand up to wipe the tears from his boyfriends cheek. "Are we over Aidan Kinney?" He asked, surprising himself that his voice stayed so normal.
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Post by Aidan Kinney on May 20, 2008 11:12:17 GMT 1
Aidan's eyes widened at that. "Over? B-but why?" He didn't understand. No, they weren't over. Or were they? Was that why christian shook his head when he said he loved him? Chris didn't really love him? But he said that before. He said he loved Aidan so why the question now? And why did he call him full name?
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Post by Christian Tait on May 20, 2008 11:21:18 GMT 1
"Because you are hurt. I can see it..you aren't a very good actor. You don't have to pretend that everything is fine because it isn't. I hurt you..I was full aware of what I was doing while I was doing it and I hate myself for it" Christian replied, his voice finally starting to crack. He scooted backwards, giving him his space and wrapped his arms tightly around himself. "I love you Dan..I just..I don't know what to do to fix this. My only solution is leaving..if thats what you want.."
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Post by Aidan Kinney on May 20, 2008 11:34:36 GMT 1
Aidan wished he had something heavy in his hand so he could throw it at Christian. "Idiot" He finally said after a while, his chin trembling. "You damn idiot!" He yelled. "Do you think I would still be with you if I didn't want to? If I didn't love you and want to fix it? You think i'm some kind of f*cking masochist to be with someone I don't want to be? No! Imagine I'm not." He sighed and rubbed his face but he wasn't crying. "You were aware and I wanted that. Yes, I wanted it then....just not the way it happened" He sighed again and crawled to Christian wrapping arms around him and pulling close. "No, I'm not a good actor. Adn I am hurt. I'm hurt because I want us to be like before. I want it to be like it used to be. Without fear, nerves, sadness"
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Post by Christian Tait on May 20, 2008 11:48:31 GMT 1
Christian jumped, edging farther backwards as Aidan blew up on him. He couldn't blame him for yelling, Chris was an idiot. But he was just trying to do the right thing, step away before he made that harder to do in the long run. He was losing faith in the together forever plan, it was getting farther and farther away from his grasp. Aidan came to him and wrapped his arms tightly around his middle, nails digging into his back to keep him from leaving. "I did it because I was afraid..of you. I was afraid that you changed. Everyone had only wanted me in the physical sense..sex. It was the only thing you asked of me..I was afraid you were turning into one of them. You aren't Aidan Kinney..you aren't like them..but I was afraid then. I changed for you.." He admitted, gripping him tighter.
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Post by Aidan Kinney on May 20, 2008 11:55:08 GMT 1
Aidan clinged to him so tight as if his whole life depended on that. For him it did. "It was the only thing I asked for because it was the only thing you didn't want to give me. You gave me all the rest. You gave me your love, you gave me your trust and you shared your family with me. It all made me feel loved but...I wanted to be...wanted. I was scared you didn't find me attractive. that you liked me, thought I was the right person to be with but...still didn't want me physically." He hid face in Christian's shoulder. "I'm not like them Chris. If I was I wouldn't be here now. I love you. I really do. And I don't want to leave you"
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Post by Christian Tait on May 20, 2008 21:05:57 GMT 1
Christian laughed sarcastically, finding nothing at all amusing about his boyfriends lack of faith in his choices. He wanted nothing more than to knock some sense into the man like he would have done with any other person that doubted him. "You remember that day in the park Dan? The day we met? I wouldn't have came over if I hadn't found you the least bit attractive..that's just how I roll. I was all over you before you even told me your name. I realize now that I shouldn't have. If I hadn't come over you'd still have a chance at happiness with someone else. I staked my claim on you that day..and i don't like giving up..no matter how hard I've tried"
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Post by Aidan Kinney on May 20, 2008 21:28:57 GMT 1
Aidan wanted to knock some senses into the other man too. "I don't want a happiness with someone else. Didn't that ever occur to you? I like being claimed by you. The only happiness I want is with you and Brooke. And..." He blushed smiling sofltly. "I was all over you too. When I saw you...your smile...gods" He laughed. "That was amazing"
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Post by Christian Tait on May 20, 2008 21:43:24 GMT 1
Christian went red too, quickly burying his face in Aidan's shoulder to hide his blush. He couldn't remember Aidan being all over him that day but he wasn't going to point this out to him, he'd let him believe what he wanted as long as it made him happy. "Are we still a family then?"
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Post by Aidan Kinney on May 20, 2008 22:02:17 GMT 1
"well...." Aidan frowned for a moment thinking. "As longs as it's not a kind of family I had to grow up in" He shuddered and the mere idea. "Yes. We are a family. A strange one but we are" He nodded and kissed Christian's cheek. This thought made him happy. He wanted to have this family. He needed Chris and Brooke in his life. And Adia and her children although he still had to meet them
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Post by Christian Tait on May 20, 2008 22:15:30 GMT 1
Christian lifted his head as he was kissed, reaching up to turn Aidan's frown upside down. They were a family now, a strange one but still a family. That was the most important thing to Chris. It gave him hope that they could be happy again. "Adia misses you, you know? She doesn't like me hogging you all of the time..she's starting to get lonely. She wants to spend time with her future brother-in-law too..or so she says" He stated almost as if he had read Aidan's mind. A bad habit of his.
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