If I could dream at all, it would be about you

[Aidan Kinney]

Aidan returned to the bathroom with two cups full of steaming tea. He put them on a small stool then reached out under water and pulled Christian's head out of the water by his hair. Then he sat on the edge of the tub wrapped up in a towel, crossing his legs and picking up his cup, looking like a real gentleman even with the ridiculous outfit. "Chris, I was thinking about it and...if sex is supposed to be only fights and you smacking me then I can live without it. We don't have to make love" Okay, that hurt but he could deal with it. "There are other important things in life"

[Christian Tait]

Christian screamed in both pain and surprise as he was suddenly dragged out of the water by the hair on his head. He could have at least been a bit more nice when doing so. "You are just saying that to make me feel bad" He spat. "I don't know why though..I didn't do anything wrong. Am I not allowed to take a moment just to hug you? You were being a bit selfish. How can you qualify that as making love if you won't let me do the things that I love too? I like the little things Kinney, you know? But I wasn't stopping..I had no intention to" He shook his head, sinking back under the water.

[Aidan Kinney]

"You smacked me!" Aidan was losing control even though he tried his best to stay all calm and proper. "No offense but that's not exactly something I'd enjoy in bed...or the tub to be precise" he huffed. A moment to hug him? Alright, if it was just hugging he wouldn't say anything but growling and complaining how he could never do anything right was definitely a clear sign saying my mood is gone."Do you always growl and push away people you want to sleep with or is it just some special treatment reserved for me? You are allowed to hug me. Actually you do it often but don't you realize I want something more sometimes? I'm a human too and I have my needs." He slipped off the tub kneeling on the floor and facing Chris, his hands on the edge of the tub. "And I'm not saying that to make you feel bad. No. I want to have a clear situation. I've been trying to initiate that in so many way, so many times but..." He sighed looking at his boyfriend with plea. "If you don't want that...just tell me. Please. Let me know. I won't mention it again. I can live without it. Just make it clear so I'm not confused anymore and know what to do because I don't want to fight. Please, Chris" His voice was soft as he was begging for an answer but there was also a hidden beg for acceptance. Christian couldn't understand that his actions were making Aidan doubt himself even more. He was nice, sweet, lovable but he wasn't attractive. Christian loved him but he didn't -want- him.

[Christian Tait]

Christian clicked his tongue angrily as he waited out Aidan's little rant, holding back a few not too nice comments of his own. He was still doing it, making him feel like that bad guy when he had done nothing at all wrong. Wasn't he allowed to have a few lapses of insecurities or was that only allowable to Aidan? Little selfish bastard. He kept his eyes focused on the wall in front of him, reaching blindly for the other towel. "What do you not get when I tell you I want you? It's rather frustrating when you don't listen, you know. Maybe you should write out a list of rules that I should follow when dealing with you so the next time you freak out you'll have proof that I am at fault for once!"

[Aidan Kinney]

Aiedan groaned getting up. He was close to throwing the cup against the wall but decided not to. The cup wasn't at fault. "For Christ sake! Then stop saying that and do something about it! What part of 'f*ck me' you don't understand?" Something inside him broke and he stopped being good and calm Aidan. "I don't give a flying f*ck about any rules. And how do you expect me NOT to freak out when you keep stopping me? You gave me one night. One time. The taste. And now you act as if I didn't deserve a repeat. So I'd like to know what the hell is going on and what do I do wrong"

[Christian Tait]

Christian jumped to his feet, nearly sliding as he stepped out of the tub. His outburst seemed to have touched a nerve. He dropped his towel and grabbed him by the shoulders, slamming him into the far wall roughly. "Is that what you want Kinney? To be fcuked like some common whore? Then fine..I'll give it to you!" He growled, doing just that.

The full impact of what he was doing didn't hit him until after he stepped away from him several minutes later. He went back into the other room, dressing quickly only to curl up in a tight ball on the corner of his bed, hiding the steady flow of tears that had already begun to flow in his knees. He had only done what Aidan had asked of him but it still felt wrong.

[Aidan Kinney]

Aidan didn't expect that. And Chris was wrong. He didn't want that. He didn't enjoy that. Actually he was almost sure he'd never enjoy sex again. Like some common whore. The words were ringing in his ears blinging him almost.

He slid down the wall curling up into a small ball and bursting into tears. Why did he have to ruin everything. Every good thing in his life. Every person. He had to ruin it. HE was sure Chris hated him now. The man was definitely disgusted.

Wiping the tears with the back of his hand he reached out for his clothes, still sore as he put them on. Christian was too rough. He wasn't ready for that. But he had to fight for him. He couldn't let it ruin everything.

He walked back to the room on shaky legs and crawled onto the bed curling up next to Christian, hiding face in his back. "I'm sorry." He cried unable to stop the stream of tears flowing from his eyes. "Please forgive me. Please. I'm so sorry. Don't be mad at me. Please don't hate me. I didn't mean that...please...don't leave me" He wailed like a little kid clawing at Christian's shirt

[Christian Tait]

Aidan shouldn't still be here. He should be running as far away from Christian as possible. He was such a terrible person. He knew that wasn't what Aidan had wanted and yet he let his anger get the best of him. He had promised himself that he would never ever do that to anyone, and he had. Chris was no better than the people who had hurt his sister in the past. The people he hated, the people he wished a fiery death for. He had made himself sick to his stomach, to the point that he had trouble breathing much less making any words come out.

[Aidan Kinney]

Aidan wrapped his arm around Christian's middle hugging him tightly. "Please don't be mad at me" He continued kissing his back through the shirt. "Please. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean to make you angry" In his mind it was his fault Chris did that. He caused that. He was stubborn and made Christian angry and now he had to apologize. And Chris wasn't saying anything so that meant he was very angry. Aidan had to apologize. He leaned and started kissing Christian's cheek. "please, please" He whispered. "I'm sorry"

[Christian Tait]

Christian lifted his head up to look at him, quickly wiping away his tears on the back of his hand but the ugly red stains still lingered. He didn't like having Aidan apologize to him, kissing him. Christian didn't deserve such kindness. This was all his fault and he told him that too, his voice cracking from the pressure. "Why won't you hate me? Please..hate me. Hit me..run away and threaten to never come back..do something..please.." He begged.

[Aidan Kinney]

Aidan shook head quickly as Christian asked him that. He crawled over him onto the other side so he could face the man and wrapped his arms around him. "I can't hate you. I could never hate you Chris. I love you" He whispered still looking at him sadly. "And you did nothing wrong. I asked you for it." He shook head again and kissed him. "I don't want to lose you Chris."

[Christian Tait]

"I order you to hit me god damn it!" Christian yelled, forgetting about the child in the crib next to them. She let out a few whimpers, turning over in her sleep but otherwise did nothing. He turned his head as Aidan leaned in to kiss him so that he missed his lips and caught his cheek. Chris didn't deserve anything from him. "Hit me! Now!"

[Aidan Kinney]

"No" Aidan said stubbornly. He sat up and looked at Chris. "NO! I will never hit you. You know what I think about hitting. THat's enough. Enough of fighting. Enough of this nonesence. We're going down spinning. Every thing we do leads to another and another making it all worse. But I'll never descent to that level. I will never hit you Christian Tait." HE took Christian's hand and raised it to his lips. "It's time to heal our relationship before we destroy it"

[Christian Tait]

"Do it!" Christian repeated more firmly. He brought his free hand up to his face, seemingly to brush away a few stray tears but instead sunk his nails into the soft flesh of his cheek. Letting them scrape down so that they left red marks like the ones he had left on Aidan's back, but these ones felt much worse. He needed to feel some kind of pain, even if it were self inflicted. Aidan was being too kind. "What relationship? We haven't had one. I promised you my life my heart and my child and its still not enough for you" He replied, his bottom lip trembling. "I hurt you..please hurt me in return..don't make me do it myself" He brought his hand to the other side of his face, waiting. A threat of sorts.

[Aidan Kinney]

"I promised you my life my heart and my child and its still not enough for you"

Aidan's bottom lip trembled. So it was his fault now? Just because he wanted some physical affection? Of course it was his fault. He ruined everything. He always did. Maybe his parents really were right being constantly angry at him. His father was right beating him. He deserved it.

He pulled his hand back quickly when Christian sank his fingernails in his own cheek. "No" He backed away from Christian. "I said I wouldn't hurt you. There has been enough hurt in..." "What relationship? We haven't had one.". He stopped and his eyes filled with tears again. There was no relationship. Christian didn't want a relationship with him. He ruined everything. He gasped slipping off of the bed quickly and backing to the door. He needed to get out of here. He had to leave Chris alone, stop hurting him. But he was too weak for that now. He just slid down the door hugging his knees and rocking back and forth staring at the floor and locking in the back of his mind, wishing he could just disappear now. He wanted to die. It would be better for everyone if he left this world.