The Deep End [Ange]

[Ryan Robins]

Ryan groaned, banging his head into the door as his nails scratched at it, trying to find something to hold onto. His breath was quick and shallow, eyes closed as he tried to stay calm and in control. It was time for his meds, but he was stubborn and refused to take them. He wanted to paint. He wanted to be a goddamn artist, and his medication was numbing him down too much.

He had to at least try to function without, but it was doing nothing for his health. Not just his mind was working over time, but it was his body, going through withdrawal that made him shake, his stomach hurting and his fingers scratching at his arms, dragging nails down his skin to get rid of the itch he felt. He didn't even notice that he was bleeding.

[Angela Evanesca]

she heard a bang upon the door, peering around it to see a boy.
bleeding, shaking...
she let a gasp escape her lips, snatching his hands away from his arms so he couldn't scratch himself.
"don't... don't..." she said her voice low and urgent, "it wont help in the long run..." she said softly.
she took the boy's arms and wrapped them around her waist, holding onto him tight.
holding his tight to her, her hands clutching at his back.
"shh..." she cooed, "it's okay..." she whispered in his ear.

[Ryan Robins]

Her smell was familiar, and so was her voice, and he really wasn't in any state to fight off anyone right now. So he melted into her embrace, face pressed tightly against her black, long hair. It made him relax a little, though he was shivering as she held him close. "It's not. It's not going to be okay. It's never. It has never been. I don't...I can't...I want to go. I can't do this."

[Angela Evanesca]

feeling him melt into her embrace, she ran her fingers through his hair, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.
she gripped him tight, "cry it out..." she said softly, running her hands along his back, before gripping his shirt.
her eyes filled with tears slightly, her heart beating hard against her corset.
she took a trembling breath inwards, "it's not worth hurting yourself for..." she held him tight still.
"tell me... tell me what's happening..." she whispered, looking him in the eyes, and tucking some of his hair behind his ear.

[Ryan Robins]

"I can't. I can't even think" He leaned against her. Angela. She was sweet, and always hugged him when he looked sad, without asking what was wrong. Their friendship was like that. She never asked him about his problems and he never offered any information. But that was okay. Their friendship was fun, and sometimes they went out for a drink together.

He was always there for her when she needed him, but she was his safe haven. The one person that never asked. Until now, when he really couldn't tell her. "I'm...I'm sorry." He needed his meds, but he didn't want to give in. It hurt too much.

[Angela Evanesca]

she leaned her forehead against his, "it's never worth the cuts, angel," she whispered, closing her eyes.
it was the same all the time, he wouldn't tell... she wouldn't ask... but it didn't matter, she had someone to relate to at least.
"don't you ever be sorry... there's nothing to be sorry for..." she said, still holding him, her forehead against his.
she took his arm "look what you've done to yourself," she said softly, she never even bothered to conceal her scars, but she didn't want ryan tarred with the same brush as she had been.
"ryan... don't do this...you hold on for me... right?" she looked him in the eye, shifting her weight so that she could kneel infront of him.
she understood there were things he couldn't tell her.
she ran her thumb along his cheek, removing a few tears, and sighing softly.

[Ryan Robins]

"I'm sorry I can't be your friend...I'm sorry I can't tell you the truth..I want to but I'm so...I'm just so messed up." Ryan pulled back from the embrace, looking at his arms. There was so much blood, yet he didn't feel the pain. Walking over to the sink, he turned on the water and brushed the red stains from his skin. The marks weren't too deep, nothing that wouldn't heal.

Things between them were a little odd. They'd left things kind of awkward, with him bolting out of her bed early morning after waking up there, a booze filled night leading to the discovery that they were both naked and there was a hickey on her collarbone.

[Angela Evanesca]

she stayed on the ground, she didn't know what to say.
she looked up at him, her face riddled with pain "is this about....?" she said her voice posing a question.
she had something to tell him, but maybe now wasn't the best time.
"is it me...? something I've done...? said...? anything...?" she said softly, looking up at him from the floor.
she felt slightly sick, and moved to lean against a wall.
"I have something to tell you Ry..." she swallowed hard and paused, "I-I'm g-going to have a b-b-baby... and I think it's yours..." she said softly, screwing up her face, and bringing her knees to her chest.

[Ryan Robins]

"is it me...? something I've done...? said...? anything...?"

Her voice sounded so soft and hurt, and he couldn't stand it. He'd made another person feel bad, again. Was that his goal in life? Hurt everyone? Be treated like a whore until he was the one treating others that way? He turned towards her, wanting to grab her arms gently and convince her that that wasn't it, when she spoke again.

"I-I'm g-going to have a b-b-baby... and I think it's yours..."

Silence. Pregnant pause. Drawn out, heart-stopping, breath catching silence. She was what? That couldn't be. She couldn't just ben hav- it was impossible. "Excuse me?" His voice was soft. Hadn't they been safe that night? He could barely believe that. He did stupid stuff when he was drunk but never that stupid.

[Angela Evanesca]

she slid down the wall, and hit the floor with a dull thud, "I'm pregnant Ry," she said, her head in her hands.
"and they're gonna throw me out if they find out... aren't they?" she felt her heart shatter in her chest, along with all her childhood dreams.
she swalloed hard, "I understand if you don't want anything to do with me anymore..." she shook on the floor slightly.
she was such a bad influence on Ry, and look where it had got them.

[Ryan Robins]

Ryan shook his head, taking her hands in his as he knelt down next to her. "You're going to have a baby?" He sounded happy and confused at the same time, upset and a little excited. He'd never had someone to care for. Not a little brother, or a nearby neighbour kid. Not even a pet. He was always the one cared for, the one that needed attention and gentle care for his unstable condition. "We're having a baby?"

[Angela Evanesca]

she snatched her hands away from his, "...a second ago you didn't want anything to do with me..." she snapped, her arm across her stomach, which was flat, for now.
"...I'm freaking out... I'm too young to be a mom...!" she said, tears shining in her eyes.
she avoided his gaze, resting her head on one hand, letting a shaky sigh escape her lips.
"I can barely look after myself Ry...!" she said, her voice low.
she was scared, confused... everything was happening to angela...
she felt sick, as she looked up at him through her raven curtain of hair, "...if I have a baby... where will my future be...?" she asked, secretly more scared of what her mother would say.

[Ryan Robins]

"I..I didn't. It's just...fcuk. It's overwhelming." Ryan reached out to her, gently tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. His fingers were soft as they brushed over her cheeks, down to her shoulders where he held her, making her look at him. "You're not alone. Maybe I'm not the most sane guy in the history of dads, but I'll love the baby. And I'll help you. You can sing, and I can take care of the baby. I can work inbetween, it's no problem."

[Angela Evanesca]

he didn't understand... she was so confused, she let him take hold of her shoulders, but avoided his eyes.
her skin tingled as he ran his fingers along her cheek, and a slight rose blush rose in her pale cheeks.
the only thing that made her heart ache was the fact he had said, I'll love the baby and not I'll love you...
she rested back against the wall again, putting her hands over her eyes as tears spilled over her cheeks.
her bottom lip trembled slightly, and she looked much like a child.
she felt sick... "when father finds out.. he's gonna kill me..." she whispered into her fingers.
that or he'd throw her out...