Show me your moves (Ryan)

[Grant Carson]

Grant had heard about his best friend being in the hospital, and of course he'd come to see him. He was bearing flowers and candy, hoping to sneak it to him when the nurses weren't paying attention. He signed his name in at the little desk and slid down the hall and into Ryan's room.

When he saw his friend on the bed he smiled and slid right next to him, wrapping his arms around him to give him a hug. "How are you feeling?" He dangled the candy in front of him and grinned. "They keeping you locked up for too long?" He checked to see the nurses weren't looking and brushed his lips along Ryan's. "I miss you. When is your ass getting let out of here?"

[Ryan Robins]

Ryan smiled when Grant entered the room but flinched when his friend brushed lips over his mouth. He took the candy, fidgeting with his bandages. "Hi. I'm alright. They're keeping me nice and medicated, so I won't go off the deep end again." His shrink had even come to the school, no matter how hard the teachers tried to protect him from it. There was really nothing they could do against someone his parents had hired? "I'll be out of here in a few days."

[Grant Carson]

He noticed it and pulled back a bit, wondering what was wrong with him. "What happened anyway Ryan?" He slid his hand to his cheek and crawled into bed with him, nestling up to his side and smiling at him. "So when you get out, come hear me play and sing yeah? I have a little gig.." The school was no place for the shrink, the man needed to go back where he'd come from and leave Ryan alone.

[Ryan Robins]

Ryan slipped as far away from him as possible, while at the same time wanting to crawl into his arms. "I..it's such a fcuking mess I don't even know where to start." He wanted to tell him everything, but Grant was his friend and he knew that he'd try to convince him to be himself, be bisexual, even if it fcuked with his head, his body and everything he had. He just wanted to paint, damn it!

[Grant Carson]

He slid closer when he moved away, pulling him into his arms and just holding him close, head on his, breath by his ear. "Theres gotta be somewhere. Just tell me what happened, we can sort through it. I'm here remember, I've always been here. Lets not change that now, don't hide from me. I love you remember, Ry?" He'd tell him that he could be whoever he wanted to be. That he just needed to take it slow and do what he was best at, just not think about all the bad things.

[Ryan Robins]

Ryan gave in, hiding his face in Grants shoulder, feeling arms wrap around him which caused a shiver to run down his spine. Was it wrong for him to want this? To want Grant to kiss him? He could now, he was no longer with Jesse, but still. It was wrong to want to kiss him, because he needed to be straight, needed to be sane. "I knocked up a girl. Father wants me to marry her. He forced me into therapy again."

[Grant Carson]

Grant let his fingers tangle in his friends hair and just held him close to him, smiling at the shiver. He always did that when he held him. "So you knocked someone up, doesn't mean you need to marry them, they consented yeah? Their fault too. Does she want the child?" He kissed the top of Ryan's head and nuzzled him lightly. "Therapy sucks. I'm supposed to be the problem solver. Someones getting paid to do a job I can do so much better. Can you believe that." He teased.

[Ryan Robins]

"I..think she does. She's sweet. Dad thinks he can turn me straight. Maybe he can. Maybe it would be easier for everyone." He needed someone to be the voice of reason, because he really couldn't find the right path on his own anymore. It would be so much easier to give in, marry a girl, Angela was nice enough and he could be a dad, be a better father figure than his own had been able to provide.

[Grant Carson]

"So be the dad to the kid.. but Ryan.. tell me something.." He tipped his friends head up and kissed him, right when he spoke, sliding his tongue into his mouth and rubbing it along his, kissing him for real this time. "Does this feel right.. When you're kissed by a guy, compared to a woman, tell me does it?" Sure he could commit to that, but would he be truly happy.

[Ryan Robins]

Ryan lost his breath quite quickly when Grant kissed him like that. It wasn't...it wasn't fair. One hand curled itself around Grants neck, trying to push him away though he wanted to stay. "It shouldn't. It's not supposed to feel right. I want to be normal. I don't want to dissociate and become all fcuked up. I'm so sick of the goddamn stereotype. Is it in the job requirement now? Be insane to be an artist?"

[Grant Carson]

Grant stayed close, not letting him push him away, not now. “But it does, doesn't it? It feels right to have another mans lips on yours, to have a guys hands on you?” He smiled softly. “Its nothing you really need to worry about Ryan. Just be who you want to be. Don't listen to the adults that don't approve of anything anyway. Listen to your heart.” He slid his hand up his shirt and settled it over his friends heart, nuzzling at his neck. “You're not an insane artist. Stop over thinking it and it will be fine.” He shrugged and grinned. “So you like men. Who the fcuk cares. So you knocked a girl up. Be the kids dad, but don't go off and marry her. Not when you must know theres someone out there made for you.” Grant kissed him again, leaning closer. “Don't give up who you are for your parents. You aren't them, aren't meant to be either.”

[Ryan Robins]

"But I need them to love me" To be proud of him, of who he was, not what they wanted him to be. Part of him knew it wasn't right, that trying to fix him this way wasn't right nor fair, but he wanted to be normal. He needed to be sane, and he wanted this stupid Borderline to go far, far away. Why couldn't he be like everyone else? "I can't like guys. I'm not allowed to. I'll find some girl and be happy."

[Grant Carson]

“They need to learn to love you for who you are.” He slid on top of Ryan and took his hands in his, holding them, then kissed him again, harder, yet still that edge of tenderness, of a soft and loving kiss. “Ryan Robins, you tell me that you're not into men and I'll die inside. You go and marry a girl and its dooming yourself, unless you're truly going to be happy with her.” He touched his cheek and held his friend close. “Tell me that you can be happy with a girl. What about Jesse? What about me? Can't you be happy with him?”

[Ryan Robins]

"I broke up. I told him to go, and find Trey, and be happy because he'll make Jesse happy. They can both be happy, and I'll find some girl, and be miserable, and it's my fcuking destiny because that's what I'll make any person, gay or straight...I'll eventually make them miserable because I'm wrong. They made me wrong. Put me into this fcuking world with no way to survive." Ryan was bitter, and hurt, and taking it out on the one person that was confusing him the most at the moment. Grant. Being on top of him, kissing him, touching him, it felt wickedly sinful and it really did nothing to soothe his conscience.

"So I take meds, and I can't paint. I have no purpose in life but to paint and I can't fcuking do it unless I'm straight. Unless I'm done feeling this way about guys and I need to be straight. I need to be because I can't do it like this. I can't live like this Grant. Don't make me. Please...don't make me."