A thousand miles (Ryan)

[Ryan Robins]

Ryan smiled a little, but shook his head. "Not this time, Jess. I'm not normal. I've got a psychiatric personality disorder." He ran fingers through his head, taking a few steps back from Jesse to sit at a table. "It's basically...it means I have problems with impulse control and emotional dysregulation. Apparently it's pretty bad. They're making me take medication, because I might get episodes if I don't. I might start to dissociate." He swallowed, not looking at his boyfriend.

[Jesse Huber]

Huh. Well that was something then wasn't it. He watched him move away from him and pouted. “So you have episodes where you flip out? Where you stay away from people?” He got it a little bit. “The meds help right? Take them if they do, is it really that bad?” He eyed Ryan and moved over to him and put his fingers under his boyfriends chin, making him look up at him. “I don't care what they say.” He shrugged and smiled. “I still like you.”

[Ryan Robins]

"I..." Ryan looked up at him, at the smile, and breathed. "Yeah, they help. But it's not me. And I want it to be me, with you." He really wanted to be with Jesse, but he hated how he couldn't even enjoy the simple things. Like waking up next to him, or being taken out, and feeling his lovers arms wrap around his waist.

"It's bad, Jess. I don't know what else to say. It's really bad. You...you've never seen me like this. No one has except for Grant, and I don't know how he handles it." Sometimes he thought Grant was an angel. At other times he kind of figured the guy was as insane as he was. "I'm serious. It's not pretty. And if you want to back out..."

[Jesse Huber]

“If you don't take them though something bad might happen?” He wasn't fully clear on this yet. Was he being him with him now? Or not? He tried not to let anything show on his face when he heard Ryan say that Grant had seen it. Only Grant. He tried not to think that the two were much closer then they both said.. tried.. and failed.

Jesse smiled anyway. “I'm not backing out. I said I like you.” He kissed him softly, covering his mouth with his, hand touching his cheek as he wrapped an arm back around his waist. “I don't care if its not pretty. I'll deal with it.” He nodded. He'd have to right?

[Ryan Robins]

Ryan nodded. "I might dissociate, which basically means that I'm not me anymore. Pretty fcuked up, huh? If I take the meds, I'm not me. If I don't take them...I won't end up being me either." He leaned into Jesse, pressing himself close, needing his boyfriend to be there for him. "Grant is nice and all, and yeah he's great when it comes to handling this, but I need you in this." His fingers curled into Jesse's hair as he made him look at him. "I need you, baby. To be here with me, when I get scared."

[Jesse Huber]

Either way it seemed then. That was fine.. he could handle it right? He held him close and gently kissed him. “I'll need to get used to it, but I should be alright in helping yeah?” He made a sound at the fingers in his hair and smiled down at him, eyes soft. “I'll be here with you, you can count on me.” He hoped he could at least do something to make things easier for his boyfriend. He wanted to try.

[Ryan Robins]

Ryan nodded, melting into his embrace. He'd always had a thing for taller men, guys that made him feel safe and protected. He couldn't be that for a girl. Besides, it would look ridiculous if his girlfriend would have to be the one to protect him. "Thank you" He smiled a little, tender fingers brushing over Jesse's lips. "I like you, so much."

[Jesse Huber]

His eyes softened even more as he just kept him close, lips parting at his fingers tracing over them. “No need to thank me.” Jesse smiled even more when he said he liked him. “I feel the same you know.” Playfully he lifted him into his arms and kissed him. “Now, did I hear something about a shower and a date we have tonight?” He chuckled softly, hand tangled with Ryan's.

[Ryan Robins]

Ryan smiled at him, wrapping arms around him and kissing him back soundly. "You always know just how to cheer me up" He stayed close to him, snuggling into his neck and wanting to leave a mark there. He hated how jealous he got sometimes, especially when Jesse was all cuddly with friends like Jesse. That he couldn't stand, though he was a complete hypocrite.

[Jesse Huber]

Marks were alright, but Jesse ever hardly allowed them, no matter who he was with. Yeah ones that went away after like five or six minutes were fine. Semi permanent ones weren't as much. Depended on his mood and on who was leaving them. “I'd hope I could cheer you up a little.” Jesse grinned softly at him and held him close to his chest. So very true. For Jesse, well Trey was his version of a Grant, for Ryan.

[Ryan Robins]

"Definitely. So where are you taking me tonight?" He slowly started to pull Jesse out of the room, in the direction of his dorm room. Shower could wait for another while. For now, he wanted to be able to spend some time with his boyfriend, hugging and cuddling and kissing and just being happy together. It wasn't as real as it had been before the medication, but still. He needed it.

[Jesse Huber]

Jesse was letting himself be pulled out and in the direction that Ryan wanted him to go. He just chuckled softly and watched him, a small smile on his features. "Well I was thinking dancing, or maybe to see a movie. But I'm open for just about anything you've got in mind, if theres somewhere else you'd like to go tonight." He'd cuddle with him if he wanted to. When they reached the dorm he flopped down on the couch and pulled Ryan down against him, kissing him softly. Yeah, a shower could wait a bit. He didn't mind at all.

[Ryan Robins]

Ryan settled easily on top of him, running tender fingers through Jesse's hair and smiling down at him. "Dancing sounds like a really good idea." There were a fair few nice bars around, and he'd been to most of them, if not all. Usually he went club hopping, trying to find someone nice to spend the night with, but it would be different this time. He'd already have his love with him, someone to hug and hold and kiss and make love to.