Vivid Colors, Black and White [Grant]

[Ryan Robins]

Ryan lit a cigarette, tilting his head a little to look at the sketch he'd made. His fingers were covered in pencil scrapings as he gently brushed over the paper to fade a line, almost as if he was touching something or someone precious to him. It was a drawing of his new boyfriend, onstage, singing.

It made him smile. For the first time in his life he had something stable, or as stable as it could get. Jesse had been friends with him for a long time, though he didn't know about his Borderline. It had only been diagnosed recently, and he was still getting used to his medication.

He didn't like it if people saw him taking it, so he made sure that he was alone before popping his pills, which he had to do three times a day. He was more stable, but he felt empty a lot of the time, and he hated that. It was affecting his drawing as well. There just wasn't any heart in his pictures. They weren't alive as they usually were.

[Grant Carson]

It was another year, Grant was of course back at school, hoping that he'd get better with his music this year. The summer had been fine for him. He'd gone home like every other year, worked as much as he could to give his parents the money, and then save the other half of what he made. He'd even gotten himself enough to afford a pretty good sized place by the school, so he wouldn't have to go to far if he needed. Of course it was more or less a place to hang out on the weekends, a place to put his things and just go when he needed to write, to sing and play his guitar.

At the moment he wasn't doing very much. More or less wandering around looking for something to do, something to inspire his muse. He'd seen a couple of people in the hall making google eyes at each other and that struck the chord in his head. He slid into a practice room, guitar in hand and stopped. Just standing by the door now. His friend was in here, he hadn't seen or heard from much all summer, he was wondering if he'd be coming back to school this year. "Am I interrupting?"

[Ryan Robins]

Ryan had just swallowed his pills down with a sip of water, when Grant entered. The guy was so quiet that it almost made him jump, and he choked down the liquid in his mouth. "Grant!" He sounded happy to see him, and put his pencil down, wiping a strand of hair from his face, leaving a little grey mark on his forehead. He was wearing a green shirt and black, torn jeans, and all in all he looked impossibly cute. Or that's what Jesse had said earlier this morning anyway. Of course then he'd been in bed, hair all tousled and only wearing boxers, but still.

Getting up from his chair, he turned his easel so that the musician couldn't see his work. He barely ever showed anything that wasn't done yet, and even then he was careful about who he showed. Teachers thought he was gifted, but they didn't read as much into it as his friends could. "No, it's fine. I haven't seen you in weeks. How've you been? Had a good summer?"

[Grant Carson]

Grant chuckled softly when he saw the little grey mark. He stayed where he was for the moment, taking in the others appearance. Oh yes, he was more then cute. But everyone seemed to think so didn't they? It was no different for him, he'd always thought his friend was good looking. “Ryan.” He retorted softly, smile in place.

When Ryan got up he moved forward, catching his friend around the waist and hugging him. “Its good to see you. I was hoping you'd come back again.” He smiled and waved his hand. “I've been fine, got a lot of work done actually. Summer was as usual, how was yours, been good?” He licked his finger and gently scrubbed away the grey mark, smiling fondly at the man. “Anything new oh artist?”

[Ryan Robins]

Ryan fit into his arms easily, a smile on his face as he was hugged to the other man. He liked to cuddle with Grant, always had. They were good friends, close friends, and he was about the only person that knew him, and understood what he was like. He was pretty sure that the doctors conclusion wouldn't surprise him. Grant had been around him when he switched, when he was happy, sad, everything that even Jesse didn't know about him.

"Nothing much. Of course I came back, you tosser. It's worth sucking up to my parents to get enough money to last another year." He smiled, joking about everything was always the way to go. "My summer was good. Hung out with Jesse a lot. Went clubbing, to the park, just fun stuff."

[Grant Carson]

No, it wouldn't really surprise him. He'd been friends with him for a long time now. He held him close and gave him a teasing squeeze, snickering. “I worked. You could have come to be a bag boy at the store.” He winked, teasing lightly. Everyone knew that he worked to keep his family going strong, to keep his education pretty well. It was no big news unless you were new here.

“I'm glad it was fun, all work and no play makes Ryan a very dull boy.” He spun him around to face him and grinned. “Working on another picture, little artist?” He held out a paper, waving it in front of him. His latest song. Then sat down in a chair, yanking his friend into his lap, facing him, instead of away from him this time. “So clubbing with Jess is fun then?”

[Ryan Robins]

Ryan laughed, wrapping an arm around him, and rubbing his face against Grants cheek. "Clubbing with Jess was fun. We ended up in bed together. He decided to make me his boyfriend after that" He giggled a little, grabbing at the paper to read the lyrics. Unlike him, Grant showed him his lyrics, not just when they were finished. He liked reading them, liked figuring out what was going through his mind.

Ryan toyed with the bottle in his pocket, turning to Grant a little and smiling. "Hey, Grant? You wouldn't be surprised, would you? If the doctors thought I was crazy?" He'd been asked to go into therapy, but he hadn't agreed to it, even though his father tried to force him to see someone.

[Grant Carson]

His eyebrow raised and he chuckled, hiding the pang he felt rather well. “Well well you have a boyfriend.” He smiled at the rubbing and watched him read the lyrics. They were simple, done, pretty nice to sing. He softly tilted his head and sang a few lines in his ear, smiling while he did it. H loved to sing, to play, it was his calling.

Grant rolled his eyes. “Doctors suck. But nope. And you're not really crazy.” He poked him and dipped him back playfully. “Just moody.” He winked. Obviously teasing him. “Why they give you something to take now?” Therapy often helped, of course many people needed to see someone to talk about their problems, over half of them just didn't want to go.

[Ryan Robins]

Ryan smiled, relaxing when Grant sang into his ear. He'd done it enough times before, and it was the only thing that could calm him down when he was really off the deep end. That voice, soft in his ear, calming and soothing him while strong arms wrapped around him. He could focus on his breathing then, could relax, because no matter how long it took, Grant never left. He never gave up on him.

"Meds. They wanted therapy, but I refused. I don't need a shrink psychoanalyzing me and telling me what to think, what to do. I mean, all I wanted was for them to figure out what makes me tick, and that's really only because father wanted me to. Mom tried to stand up to him, but well, father gets what he wants, doesn't he?" Father. It had always been his father, and mom. He would never admit how much he wanted his fathers approval and love. How much he wanted the man to be proud of him.

"So they took me there, had the doctor take some tests, made me fill in some reports and then he diagnosed me. I'm sure you can guess what he said." They'd talked about it once. When they were drunk and Ryan was vulnerable enough to cry in front of Grant, admitting how hard things were for him. It was why he could never be with him. This friendship was one thing he could never screw up.

[Grant Carson]

He could feel him relaxing and like always it made him smile even more then he was before. He'd seen Ryan upset plenty of times, seen him cry once or twice, maybe a few more times. No matter what though he didn't his friend alone, he couldn't bring himself to. Never, he always wanted to make sure he was okay, wanted to be the one to help him through things. Maybe it was a little selfish, but hey, he could be selfish right?

“Of course. No one wants to listen to a doctor mess with their heads. I dislike them too.” He slid his hand into his friends hair and pulled him closer, looking at him. “They work? The meds.” He nodded his head with a chuckle. “Yes, I suppose he usually does. See your parents are blood related.” He stuck his tongue out at him. “Mine aren't.” He knew quite well what Ryan wanted from his dad, but the man would hardly give it to him, let alone his time.

Grant nodded. “I can. But you're not really crazy. Like I said. You're a moody bugger.” He snickered and pressed a kiss to his friends cheek. “So tell me. Been better since getting them, or do you still have moments?” He knew that Ryan would understand, seeing as Grant was -always- around for them. Always.

[Ryan Robins]

Ryan smiled, the fingers in his hair making him close his eyes for a moment, head on the others shoulder. He cuddled with Grant a lot, always had and always would, he knew that Jesse would understand. He'd seen them that way before, often enough. They were best friends, and it would stay that way, no matter how together he was with his boyfriend. "They help, but I'm not me anymore. Told it to the doctors but they say I just have to get used to it. That it will get better."

He sighed, turning towards Grant. "What if it won't? What if I will feel like this all the time? I can't laugh, can't cry, can just be...numb. It sucks, I can't even sketch anymore. It's not my art. There's no life in it anymore." He walked over to his easel, taking off the sketch and handing it to Grant. "It's not me."

[Grant Carson]

Grant couldn't stop himself if he tried, he liked staying close to him, seeing him smile at him just because he never moved away. He brushed his hair from his eyes and smiled down at him even more. He was adorable when he had his eyes closed, just relaxing a little bit. Grant would never not be friends with Ryan, that was just something that wouldn't ever happen. No matter what.

“They should give you different meds then. I happen to enjoy you being you.” He looked him and shook his head. “Maybe they'll work better soon. They're new right? Get used to them, if they still don't work in a week, we'll go get you some different ones.” He took the picture, studying it, trying his best not to feel that pang, the one that said he enjoyed drawing his boyfriend, that he'd never look at him that way. He squashed it and smiled softly. “Its still good but, I know what you mean.” He set the picture back on the easel and pulled Ryan close again, kissing his head. “We'll fix it yeah? We always do.”

[Ryan Robins]

"These are the only ones for me. I can't have other ones, they're not strong enough. Apparently I'm a complete basket-case." Ryan snorted a little, staying close to him. He wanted to joke about this, because it made things less hurtful, less personal. "It doesn't matter. I mean...I'll be fine. I have to be." He wasn't really confident, didn't really mean it either but he didn't want the first conversation after the summer to be this complicated.

Or hurtful. Because it would end up that way. He'd feel upset, and cry, and he really didn't want to, because his boyfriend would notice and it would all end up a complicated mess. "Let's talk about something else, yea? I don't want to talk about this. I haven't even told Jesse all of this yet. I wouldn't know how to start."

[Grant Carson]

Grant just pulled him flush against him and hugged him, nuzzling at his friends neck. “You don't have to be fine. You just have to be you.” He continued running his fingers through his hair and looking at him. It wasn't too complicated for Grant, he pretty much got what he needed to get, understood almost everything anyway. He was usually around anyway.

“Alright, so lets talk about how sucky that song of mine is.” He pointed to the one still in Ryan's hand, the one he'd been singing in his ear. “I'm working on the notes, I think I've got it pretty well, but I'm not sure. Oh and my brothers send their love to you.” He grinned, then reached into his pocket, pulling out a keychain that said what a friend was. He dropped it in Ryan's hand and smiled. “From little Jason.”

[Ryan Robins]

Ryan made a little noise, happy with the way the other nuzzled his neck. It was a sensitive spot, and it made him feel weird and warm inside. In a completely wrong way. He shouldn't feel that way. Not with anyone but Jesse. "I love you, you know that?" It made him smile. Grant was about the only one that he ever told he loved. Not even his parents, because they were too busy to say anything but 'me too'.

The keychain was dropped into his hand and he grinned, looking at it. "This is wonderful. How are they? I've missed them so much" He had been by a few times. Mostly alone. Once he'd brought Jesse, but there had been some tension, that Jess later explained when they were together.